What are good times, exactly? Are they the times that make you look back on them with fondness and pride? Are they the times when time went by without much happening? Are they the times when you felt peaceful or were they the times when everything was chaotic yet beautiful?
Because the definition of ‘good times’ has me confused. Life is a myriad of emotions and feelings. I just learnt today that crises occur because there’s an upset in the homeostatic balance (Let’s call it the “Don’t worry, be happy” state or the relatively “normal” state) and that people are a product of their thoughts, feelings and behaviour. And to differentiate the thoughts from the feelings is a task that no person I know has mastered yet.
Good times – This is a word I look upon and wonder if anything ‘good’ has actually happened in my life? What is ‘good’? Have I been happy? Yes. Have I been in pain? Yes. Have I gotten through the pain successfully? Not yet. I’m working on it, though. I’m hoping I get through everything okay. I’d like to think I have friends who I always hang out with and am always eager to make new memories with. And I guess, up to an extent, that’s true. But it always leaves me wondering who my true friends are. I can’t go out on a limb and trust someone anymore. That part of me is gone. I have to believe that the people I chose to put my trust in when I could will hold up their end of the deal. I’ll do my best to hold up my end of the deal, no matter how messy I might be.
I don’t believe that promises are meant to be broken. If you wanted to break something, let it be a vase or a pen. Promises should never be broken..unless the reason is something incredibly important and could change a person’s life for good. For e.g.: You lives life on the road, moving from place to place and never stagnant. You have a sibling/S.O. Your sibling/S.O makes you promise to continue living your life and not go looking for them or try to save them if something happens. Now, you make that promise, as reluctantly as it might be. A few years pass, nothing happens, everything is going as smoothly as it could. You’re happy. But one sudden day, your sibling/S.O vanishes and you later find out that they got in an accident, the doctors say there’s nothing anyone can do. Do you keep your promise to your sibling/S.O and not do anything and continue living your life because they said so! or will you do everything in your power to save them even if it means breaking a simple yet important promise? Some promises are worth breaking but never all of them. I disagree with the phrase “Promises are meant to be broken”, always have, always will and I try to do my best to not break any promises.
Are good times staying out late, getting drunk, losing your memories and not getting enough sleep? Is that the definition of a good time? Because if it is, I’m sorry to say I haven’t had many good times. But I do have memories of losing a board-game, fighting over which movie is worse – The Emoji Movie or Sausage Party? – and it was fun. But was it a good time? Because in the end, I’m left wondering who I can rely on and who I’m just spending time with because I can. Because in the end, I don’t have many friends – maybe I have an inability to make friends, I don’t know. I’ve been told I’m bad at keeping touch, though – which means fewer memories to cherish but maybe they’re what’s good? I’m always left wondering if it’s worth it. How will I know it’s worth it? Will I ever know it’s worth it? Should I risk my life and my heart to know if this is worth it? The truth is I don’t know and I don’t know if I ever will know. I’m taking life as it comes and hoping it’ll lead me to a good place. ‘Good’ being subjective, again.
But you know what I do remember? I remember playing on the playground next to that small restaurant we used to go to. I remember the slide in our apartment playground. I remember those harmless sleepovers with friends. I remember asking for an ice-cream and not being worried about whether I can pay the rent next month. I remember times with fewer responsibilities and things to worry about. I remember the childhood innocence of being able to trust everyone without getting hurt and making friends and keeping them easily. Were they the good times? Were they the good people I didn’t have to worry about would abandon me? I don’t know anymore. All I know is that the world is beautiful and I want to see more of it. I’ll never know if the world is good but I do know there are kind people out there fighting the good fight or at least trying to. All I can hope is that’s what I’m doing too. But alas, we’ll never know!
Hi! How’ve you been? I know it’s been a while. But I’ve been desperately trying to pass Uni and it’s been super stressful! So please forgive me! 😥 bows deeply and apologetically. I don’t know how this went. I’m trying something new and hoping it goes well. What do you think of when you hear the phrase ‘a good time’? Tell me about it and tell me more about you! I want to know more about you! I feel bad for only ranting about myself. I feel like you know me more than I know you. It’s not fair to either of us, is it? 😛 So, just comment or get in touch with me and please tell me what you think and help me to get to know you better!